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Search Results 0 to 6 of about 7 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Mar 19, 2013 7:00pm PDT
respond to this wakeup call. fortunately, nasa's on this one. they have scrambled to improve our asteroid detection program. because, evidently, their previous asteroid program hasn't been updated since the 1980s. [laughter] i was good. i was really good. [ laughter ] so clearly, nasa now has a laser-like focus on preventing cataclysmic meteor strikes. so let's check in with the actual footage they released yesterday from the international space station-- the first and only line of defense against terror from the sky. >> so what we're going to do, we're gonna open up our tortilla, get our peanut butter, squirt it on the tortilla, get the honey squirt that on there, and we will have a peanut butter and honey sandwich in space. hmm-- not too bad. [laughter] >> stephen: oh well. it's like the old saying, the world ends not with a bang, but with a light snack. [laughter] nation, four years ago-- thanks to obama's socialist policies-- the new york stock exchange bottomed out at less than 6500. but today-- no thanks to obama's socialist policies-- the dow is back! >> a history-making day on wal
Comedy Central
Mar 20, 2013 11:30pm PDT
truly. so naturally, i was disappointed when nasa's budget was slashed. but, folks, there is some great news from the private sector answer. >> millionaire space tourist dennis tito wants to send two people to the red planet on a 500-day journey. >> he is convinced it will be feasible by 2018. >> we have not sent humans beyond the moon in 40 years. i've been waiting myself, and a lot of other people my age have been waiting and waiting. >> stephen: that's right. this brave entreprenuer will send two astronauts to mars for the noblest reason there is: impatience. [laughter] it reminds me of john f. kennedy's famous speech about putting a man on the moon, "we choose to go the moon not because it is easy-- but come on, it's got to be easy, right? let's just do it already. just strap a rocket to some guy's back. jeesh!" [laughter] [cheers and applause] be warned folks. this 501-day round-trip flyby is not for the faint of heart because there will be no showers, limits on toilet paper and clothing, drinking water made from the crew members' recycled urine and sweat and almost no privac
Search Results 0 to 6 of about 7 (some duplicates have been removed)